I am writer, hear me roar.

I’m going to say this once, very quietly, “I am a writer.” I have been for years. I’ve declared it on Twitter and in the very act of creating this website. This represents growth for me. In the past, just saying those four little words was the thing of dreams. Yet, at the same time, it was a statement that once OUT THERE would have kept me far from sleep at night, twisting in the throes of mortification without release. For months.

I have spent literally decades of my life sitting alone in a room obsessing over characters and plots and dialogue that hardly anyone else ever gets to see. I re-write sentences seventeen times. I torture myself with endings so that they don’t spoil the effect of the entire genius-rest of the book. I grind myself into a pit (and not, sadly, a Brad Pitt) of near-despair over something which – really – is insignificant.

But I am obsessed. I can’t let go of it. I can’t stop my fingers flying across the keyboard with (I like to think) a piano-player’s elegance.

For years I didn’t send out anything I wrote because I couldn’t shake the notion that if I could hold on to a piece and give myself more time, I could make it better. I was never very good at handing anything in when I was at school. I used to do the homework well in advance of the deadline (Type A personality) but I found it very difficult to let my work – whatever it was – out of my grasp and my control and into someone else’s Judgement Zone.

Apparently, I’m not alone. Mslexia recently published the results of a survey suggesting that many (female – in this instance but I’m sure it’s not just women) writers are slow to send out what they create or never send anything out at all.

Time helps. I’ve become more confident as I’ve aged. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone could say, “No!” Hardly the end of the world.

Now, having developed a thick skin, I say, “Bring on the reviewers!”

7 thoughts on “I am writer, hear me roar.

  1. I once read a book on writing by a famous author and she said the best thing she ever did in the beginning was tell people she was a writer bc it forced her to put herself out there. People would ask her how it was going and she wanted to have a response.

    It is good advice- but so scary to follow! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! You go for it! Find people you trust with your feelings and work outwards from there.

      I’m tempted to burn stuff, though. Truman Capote left Summer Crossing in a box and it was found and published after he died. Maybe he didn’t want it published! Makes me feel a little guilty that it’s actually one of my favourite books of all time and Capote might not want it out there.
      I might leave explicit instructions in my will!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s